Stephanie Kirk
A bit more than a decade ago, I was a proofreader in an advertising team. The office was quite casual; only the managers wore ties.
One morning, I was enjoying my coffee when the man next to me said, “Urgh, look at this. I keep seeing more and more adverts for tattoo artists. They’re everywhere these days.” Immediately uncomfortable, I looked over but decided to say nothing.
He continued, “I don’t like them. Especially on women. You wouldn’t ever get one, would you, Stephanie?” And he smiled, with an almost fatherly look, eyes pleading with me not to let him down, absolutely certain I would laugh and agree.
I wasn’t sure what to do next – smile politely or share an uncomfortable truth that was sure to disappoint him.
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A bit more than a decade ago, I was a proofreader in an advertising team. The office was quite casual; only the managers wore ties.
One morning, I was enjoying my coffee when the man next to me said, “Urgh, look at this. I keep seeing more and more adverts for tattoo artists. They’re everywhere these days.” Immediately uncomfortable, I looked over but decided to say nothing.
He continued, “I don’t like them. Especially on women. You wouldn’t ever get one, would you, Stephanie?” And he smiled, with an almost fatherly look, eyes pleading with me not to let him down, absolutely certain I would laugh and agree.
I wasn’t sure what to do next – smile politely or share an uncomfortable truth that was sure to disappoint him.
I didn’t know how to be vulnerable in a professional environment
There’s so much out there about ‘vulnerability’ and ‘bringing your authentic self’ to the workplace. I call BS on a lot of people who say they do. Even when we talk about authenticity, it still appears that we’re fitting ourselves into boxes, too concerned with what random social media judges will think if we actually show a unique identifier, or some true vulnerability.
It seems we’re obsessed with building our personal brand, but we often slip up and create the same as everyone else. When I was younger, I was shown that ‘professional’ was a navy blue emotional flatline.
In Amsterdam where I live, there’s a wealth of networking events and opportunities which I try to embrace. And I’ve always felt like an outsider. To set the scene, I’m a tall, middle aged woman with significant tattoos and an obvious Yorkshire accent. I’ve often had pink or purple hair or one side of it shaved. Now that I’m a portfolio professional, I have to enter every environment knowing that I have to justify not only what I do, but that I’m the right person for a project.
I’ve worked in senior leadership teams at smaller tech companies and large corporate machines. I still go into a room and feel like a fish out of water amongst ‘professional’ navy suits, though I’ve always held my own in a boardroom once we’ve got talking.
But over my career I’ve tempered my accent, dyed my hair brown for an interview, covered my tattoos in client meetings and once acquiesced to a CEO who said, “dress more like you work at Deloitte.” It was always exhausting and I never did my best work whilst pretending to be something I wasn’t.
Something in me knew that wasn’t sustainable
This year I decided to make the jump into freelancing and, taking advice, I produced a brand and website that were, let’s face it, rather unimaginative. I used my best ‘corporate speak’, hoping to bag contracts at the most impressive companies.
I networked at panel discussions with titles like “Leading with Authenticity” and “Women in Tech: Driving Your Career with Authenticity” and each time, I still felt like I was a strange pilot fish navigating through a shoal of tuna. I felt less and less like showing up as my authentic self when I subscribed to the ‘conventional professional’ look, and I would leave early and get nothing from the event.
After three months of graft with little return, I attended a workshop on “Negotiating with Authenticity”. I signed up because the facilitator was wearing a gorgeous bomber jacket in her profile picture. She looked a bit more like my tribe.
The workshop itself was great but the best part of the day was the nudge I got when speaking to two wonderful women. Having successfully chatted for a while, we decided to connect on LinkedIn and set about swapping QR codes. When they saw my profile they were taken aback.
Feeling bias is harmful to productivity - authenticity drives success
According to Deloitte’s 2019 State of Inclusion survey, 39% of people said they experience bias regularly (obviously this doesn’t account for those who are subject to it but don’t notice).
43%
categorise the bias(es) they’ve experienced and/or witnessed in the workplace as subtle and indirect, or micro-aggressions.
68%
said that witnessing or experiencing bias had a negative impact on their productivity.
Consultant and psychotherapist, Jim Katsis put it pretty perfectly:
“The digital age has us all curating online personas, often portraying an idealised version of who we think we should be, rather than reflecting our true selves. This creates a divide between our public image and our inner reality.”
It’s not just about making people feel ‘nice’ but it’s also a key driver for company success. When you allow staff to fully present themselves, you inspire authenticity, which leads to deeper engagement in work and more creativity and innovation.
Katsis pushes the message hard, saying fostering authenticity is a “strategic imperative.” I love their compelling message, but we all know how hard it is to truly embrace authenticity in the workplace whilst we continue to allow bias to go unaddressed.
Recently, Soulaima Gourani wrote about how embracing authenticity can be doubly challenging for women leaders.
Often expected to project a traditional image of ‘professional,’ women leaders can face a double bind dilemma. On the one hand, being expected to compete with male counterparts by being more ‘assertive,’ on the other, being seen as too ‘aggressive if we do follow that path.
However, there’s a small silver lining, as, they report:
“The evolving landscape of corporate governance is increasingly recognizing the value of diverse leadership styles. The emphasis is shifting towards creating environments where leaders, irrespective of gender, can thrive without the pressure to fit into a pre-defined mold.”
The tide is in favour of those of us who may have an unconventional persona. Indeed it feels like some companies will be seeking us out over our more traditional counterparts.
So how do we work within this climate when we’re portfolio professionals, who move from team to team and have little way to determine how open a company may or may not be?
The big question is: do you want to work with a team who doesn’t respect your values, or who judges you on your appearance and personality rather than your track record? When times are tough and the channel of available lucrative projects is thinning, do we push our true selves and our values to one side?
How authenticity feels
If you remember the 1998 Reese Witherspoon movie, Pleasantville (and if you don’t, look it up it’s good), then you know what it feels like.
I spent the first three months of my self-employed journey emulating the serious, muted LinkedIn profiles I saw in the field. I spouted long lines of descriptive content, trying to fit in every positive moment of my career, focusing on how I’d improved efficiency, exceeded revenue targets, driven with data. But I wasn’t being me.
Vibrant. What a wonderful word my new contact used for me. What a treasured compliment. She unlocked something. I went home and all weekend I worked on my profile, my website, my brochures, my logo. I took new selfies wearing a colourful jacket, I didn’t hide my tattoos, in fact I put my ink front and centre and I smiled like I was happy, not stoic.
Having realised I was projecting bias onto others, I decided to be unashamedly me. I wanted to be judged on my track record and proven skills (not age, gender, accent, aesthetic, etc).
Much like when Dorothy steps into Oz, when you move to present yourself with true authenticity, you’re taken from black and white to colour.
Success with this is still playing out, but I can tell you one thing – I have had so much more interest in my profile, my posts and even my comments. My own style and the colour on my profile, is attracting more attention. I use the term “unconventional professional” in my bio and I’ve had people connect with me on that alone. I’m doing videos which, still driving a CTA, are just me being silly or funny, but being me. My impressions and engagement stats have improved significantly. In April I was receiving around ten reactions per post, now I’m seeing 60 plus.
My integrity is much more nourished by this change of approach. We’re all out there hustling for projects and we need to make the right impression. I’d never show up to an interview in a creased shirt or with really messy hair. I will iron my T-shirt and tie my hair up though.
Now people connect with me based on who I am and the wish to work with me, rather than just my CV. Either way, it’s a positive move. If someone doesn’t care for my authentic self, I wouldn’t fit in their organisation anyway and would most likely find that work draining.
The unexpected benefits of embracing your unconventionality
I flinched when my ex colleague asked whether I had tattoos, but something told me quickly that if I didn’t stay true to myself, I would regret it.
“Actually, I have two tattoos.”
His face went through shock to disappointment. I thought he was about to protest, or ask about them at least, but he said nothing. He put his headphones on, looked down at his work and continued his shift. From that day, he barely spoke to me.
It was the best outcome.
My lesson that day was that bias can be awful. You can get rejected by people you like or even think you admire. However, it can be used to your advantage and be very helpful in sifting out the people you actually don’t want to connect with.
My hopes for us unconventional professionals are:
We promote ourselves in such a way that prospective clients can’t deny our strong history of delivering on stringent goals, regardless of our outer packaging.
People who view our online personas will be engaged by our unconventional approach and hooked by how we can help them.
We’ll adapt to situations as required to get the job done, but never deny who we are or assimilate to get a contract that will drain our vibrancy.
We’ll find ways to say no. I recently interviewed with a CEO who had nothing in common with how I operate. Although we both knew I could land the deliverables they were looking for, I had to walk away. My time is best spent with brands and cultures I can become a cheerleader for.
As we continue our portfolio journey and connect with a variety of teams, we’ll intentionally and positively influence senior leaders to identify and address bias, to train their teams and to adapt to having a colourful, vibrant outlook, knowing that ‘professional’ comes in all kinds of packages. We must remember, there are people younger than us in the workplaces we enter, many of whom are desperate to shed those traditional biases. Perhaps we can inspire them.
Look at your profile. Does it show who you are or is it a portrayal of what we’ve been told ‘professional’ looks like? Can you locate and connect with more unconventional professionals like you, perhaps within the TPC community?
I’ll let Mr Shakespeare have the last word. This is a great line to have as a mantra on your workspace wall:
“This above all: to thine own self be true.”
Think this sounds like the right path for you? Come along to our monthly Get started event for new members to find out what a portfolio career could look like and how The Portfolio Collective can help you take those first steps towards professional success – and don’t forget to connect with our community!
